Friday Weigh In with a Heavy Heart

Starting weight: 261 lbs

Surgery day: 234.4 lbs

Last weeks weight: 212.8 lbs
Todays weight: 211.7


-1.1 lb loss


-22.7 lb loss since surgery
-49.3 lb loss overall


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


We'll go with happy stuffs first...then on to the not so happy stuffs...
I am VERY happy with that loss. Really I'm happy with any loss, but anything over 1 elbee just makes me giddy!

I am also happy I got a fill on Tuesday. Just a wittle fill as I think I was ever so close to my green zone. She just put .2 cc's in. I just started eating regular food last night and it went well so I think i'm good! The nurse who does my fills rocks my socks suurrriously. She is sooo quick. And she does it so stinkin fast there's no time to feel any pain! Hoping this little fill will help me get to ONEDERLAND!!

On to the not so happy stuffs...

My grandma finally gave up the struggle to join my grandpa in heaven. She passed away yesterday morning at 7:55 am. She was a stubborn, grouchy old grandma...but she was MY stubborn, grouchy old grandma and I loved her to peices. My aunt said she passed sooo peacefully which is such a relief after all the hardwork her body was doing just to make her breathe. My dad was there basically from day 1 when she went to the E.R. for her eye pain. He only left at night and the past couple of nights he stayed with her. Yesterday morning he decided to leave to take care of some things and that's when she passed. I think she waited until he left so he wouldn't have to see it. She was very specific in what she wanted in that she didn't really want anything. Her only request was to be next to her husband. She didn't want a funeral...or a visitation...she didn't even want them to poke or prod or preserve, she wanted to be buried just how she died.  She only wanted a graveside service. Eventhough we feel as if she deserves more, we are respecting her wishes and JUST doing a graveside service. I went with my aunt and my dad to make the arrangements. My dad has known the funeral director since they were kids and he has known my whole family ever since so it was nice to be able to sit with a friend to do all of that. I think it made it a little easier. She has been waiting 33 years to be with my grandpa and I'm sure he was standing at the gates giddy as a school girl waiting for her.



Love you Grandma.... We will miss you!

Friday Weigh In....On Saturday...ERRR Monday

Starting weight: 261 lbs
Surgery day: 234.4 lbs

Last weeks weight: 214.4 lbs
Todays weight: 212.8

-1.6 lb loss 

-21.6 lb loss since surgery
-48.2 lb loss overall


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Ok, this weigh in occurred Saturday morning and I had it in here ready to go, just needed to type up my blurb here on the bottom...then baby needed tending to...then had to go to the hospital to visit my grandma, then went to our families annual hayride/weenie roast.

Sunday is always a bust lol

So here we are...on Monday. But i'm gonna post it dangit! I love seeing those losses woot woot!

My grandma is in the hospital and not doing very well at all. Long story but the long of the short of it is she has pneumonia, has a hemmoraging eye, and her kidneys are shutting down.Bad stuff folks. So I may be a little absent while all of this is going on. The family is ready (well as ready as we can be) and I think she is ready to go. So right now we take it a day at a time not knowing really when the time is coming.

Last week was pretty good. Had Thursday off, went and had my first microderm abrasion/facial. It was splendid...just splendid. Thank you groupon! Then met with someone about an opportunity. HOPEFULLY more on that later, but we shall see :)

I think that's about it!


Happy Monday my little cupcakes! :)

How could I forget?!?!

I can not BELIEVE I forgot to tell you guys I had my very first "stuck" and "slime" episode. Sure I've had my moments where something takes a little longer to go down and it's uncomfortable but no getting stuck or no sliming or puking.

I was at my momma's house because she asked me to go with her to put her cat down. Sad... I will get to that in a later post :(

Anywhos, she decided on chinese. We ordered beef and vegatables, a good choice. So why in the world did I put white, sticky ass rice on my plate? About 3 small bites in I got uncomfortable so I stopped eating. I started getting a pain in my shoulder which I've had before but it goes away if I just get up and walk across the room. Well, I walked... and walked... for about 10 minutes. The pain/pressure never went away, in fact it kept welling up and getting worse. My mouth started watering. I held back from puking just holding out hope that it would eventually go down and be over. After another 5 minutes it became very clear that something would be coming OUT, that whatever was causing me pain was not going down.ever. So I did it. I slimed. It's really weird. I thought I would spit out food. Nope. Just a ball of clear slime.

IMMEDIATE relief.

Note to self.... DO NOT EVER F*CKING DO THAT AGAIN!

P.S. I think I need to have a serious talk about my relationship with white rice. How do I tell him it's over... that we can't see each other anymore? Is it bad that I'm not even gonna miss him? I really only put him on my plate out of habit?

I know the rules. I understand them. Why do I have such a hard time with the first couple of bites? My portion size is good but for some reason I just put too big of a bite in my mouth and don't chew it enough. After the first couple of bites I get it and do what I'm supposed to. I just need to work on those first few bites. I got this. That's my new goal, to pay as much attention to my first 3 bites as I do to the rest. REALLY think about my bite and chewing.

On a lighter note my weekend was fab. Had a tastefully simple slumber party with Cupcake and the kids. We did have some high calorie stuff as snacks but made a really good chicken recipe for dinner. We did splurge for our slumber party but that's ok, how often do you get to have slumber parties right? Here are a few pics. SOOOO much fun! :)

Me and Cupcake always cheesin!

Cupcake and Momma

Seriously...too much cute in 1 picture!

Does this count as a photobomb?

Quite possibly the cutest and best baby on the planet...

Again...cute overload here people



I can't believe she got him to smile! He's a teen now so he's too cool for us... lol



3 Month Post-Op Progress---lots-o-pics!

Technically there is no Friday weigh-in since I'm doing my progress post. Not exciting anyways... No loss, No gain...stayed the same!  Here's an update on my progress!


Starting weight: 261
-7/11(night before surgery) 234.4lbs--- loss of 26.6 lbs prior to surgery
-7/16 --230.1lbs = -4.3 lbs    30.9lb total  *30 lb loss!*
-7/23---228 lbs =  -2.1 lbs     33lb total
-7/30---227lbs =  -1 lb           34lb total
-8/6----225.5lbs = -1.5 lbs     35.5lb total
-8/13---225.2lb = -.03 lbs      35.8lb total
-8/20---221.4lb=  -3.8lbs       39.6lb total
-9/10---223.8lb=  +2.4lbs      37.2lb total
-9/13---219.6lb=  -4.2 lbs      41.4lb total   *40 lb loss!*
-9/28---216.8lb=  -2.8 lbs      44.2lb total
-10/5---214.4lb=  -2.4lbs       46.6lb total
-10/12--214.4lb= 0                46.6lb total 

                 7/11/12      8/13/12      9/13/12   10/12/12    Loss

Neck.............15"............15" .........14.5"......14.25" -----.75"

R bicep..........17.5 .........16"..........16"......... 16"---------1.5" 

L bicep..........17"...........15" ..........15.5".......15"----------2" 

R forearm.......12.5"........12"...........12".........11.75"------.75"

L forearm.......12"...........12"............12".........11.75-------.25"

Wrist...............7.5".........7.5"...........7.25"......7.25--------.25"

Bust................50"...........49"............45".........45"----------5"

W...................46.5"........45"............44.5"......42.5"--------4"

Hips................53"...........49.5".........49".........48"----------5"

R thigh............24.5"........22.75"........23.25"....22.75"------1.75"

L thigh............24.25".......23"............23.5".......22"--------2.25"

                             TOTAL LOSS----23.5"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

234.4 lbs 7/11/12  ----------- 225.2 lbs 8/13/12 1 mth  ----------  219.6 lbs 9/13/12 2 mths   ----- 214.4 lbs 10/12/12 3 mths

                     234.4 lbs 7/11/12  -------- 225.2 lbs 8/13/12 1 mth  --------  219.6 lbs 9/13/12 2 mths   -- 214.4 lbs 10/12/12 3 mths

234.4 lbs 7/11/12  ----------- 225.2 lbs 8/13/12 1 mth  ----------  219.6 lbs 9/13/12 2 mths   ----- 214.4 lbs 10/12/12 3 mths

234.4 lbs 7/11/12  ----------- 225.2 lbs 8/13/12 1 mth  ----------  219.6 lbs 9/13/12 2 mths   ----- 214.4 lbs 10/12/12 3 mths

234.4 lbs 7/11/12  ----------- 225.2 lbs 8/13/12 1 mth  ----------  219.6 lbs 9/13/12 2 mths   ----- 214.4 lbs 10/12/12 3 mths

234.4 lbs 7/11/12  ----------- 225.2 lbs 8/13/12 1 mth  ----------  219.6 lbs 9/13/12 2 mths   ----- 214.4 lbs 10/12/12 3 mths

It's really amazing the changes! Now for comparison here are my pre-op and now pictures. 

 

234.4 lbs night before surgery--------214.4 lbs 10/12/12

WOW! What a difference!! That's just 20 lbs lost!! 

I also finally updated my other before pictures...I'm amazed at the changes!!

I took these in April and I was right at 250 lbs---then tonight! 

250 lbs 4/16/12 ------------------------------214.4 lbs 10/12/12

Ok seriously guys... I really am losing weight! 

This is so stinking exciting!! I'm SOOO so SO so glad I've been taking measurements 

and pictures. I was kind of upset about only losing 5 lbs this month 

but that's 5 lbs closer to my goal! And every el-bee counts. Just look 

at the difference!!!

Unexpected NSV's = Crying in the Bathtub!

Why am I up past my bedtime blogging? Well, I HAD to get this out while my emotions are still high and I FEEL it.

Let me start with this. There are sooooo many different types of situations here in blogland.

 I see a lot of people who used to be thin and then life happened and packed on the weight. They remember what it was like to be thin... they can't wait to get back to there. They just close their eyes and can see themselves thin.

There are people who have yo-yo'd thin/fat/thin/fat and have the same kind of feelings with the anxiety that this will be just another flick of the wrist and they will yo-yo back. Yet again those people can remember what it's like to be thin.

Some people reading this blog have never had a weight problem..have never had to lose more than 15 lbs to get back to green. Unlike the aforementioned they don't know what it's like to be obese.

Then there are people like me and I'm sure many of you reading. I have never been thin. Even as a child although I was active and athletic and didn't have the ROLLS that I have now I was still overweight. I honestly can not tell you when I was under 200 lbs, it was middle school for sure...had to be. Being overweight your entire adult life you have NO IDEA what it's like to be thin. You don't know what to expect. You know what I just found out? That's scary as shit....

So we all have goals, milestones, NSV's we expect. Losing pant sizes, fitting into smaller shirts, riding the rollercoasters, yada yada the list goes on and on. We look forward to those and when we get there we do a little bit of this action....

YESSSSS!!!! 

We pop our collars like the pimps we are and we set our sights on the next goal. What about unexpected NSV's?  NSV's you didn't even know existed.... comes out of left field and smacks you right across the face. 

Now that you know where I'm coming from...let me set the scene.  My legs hurt.. bad. If ya'll didn't know I ran my first 5k on Saturday with NO preparation or training...just took the eff off and ran. Walked some, ran some but was proud of myself. Now my legs are literally falling off. The Hubs ran me a HOTT bath so I could soak my poor muscles to make them feel better. I'm tired as hell seeing as I stayed up WAY to late last night and woke up often with sore ass legs! Kind of half out of it I stumbled into the bathroom and slithered into the bathtub. I sat there for a minute wooshing my legs back and forth to get the water moving. All of a sudden it was like a flash of lightening. I was a wake and kind of freaking out. All of a sudden I realized the only part of my body touching the bathtub was my ass...the bottom of my ass (well and my feet... but you know what i'm sayin') I know what you're saying... "umm....so?" 

MY ASS WAS THE ONLY THING TOUCHING THE BATHTUB!!! 

Still not seeing it? 

let's go back about 4 months or so. Getting into the bathtub was like wriggling into a tight pair of jeans...my hips, my side rolls my arms, everything was SHOVED into the bathtub. the only part of my body NOT touching the bathtub was my tummy. 

I stuck both hands down to my sides just to see if maybe I had become paralyzed and just couldn't feel my hips and side belly rolls touching the sides of the tub. 

HOLY SHIT! There was SPACE between me and the sides of the tub. I could fit a hand on each side between my body and the tub. Then I flapped my arms a bit. I actually had to MOVE my arms to make them touch the sides of the tub. 

I started crying....

Why? 

Well, I'm not quite sure. A part of me was ecstatic with this new discovery. Another part of me was mad that  my body was all squished in the tub to begin with. 

Then I felt a wave of fear. How many other things are just normal... a part of everyday life that I didn't realize were effects of my obesity. Things I never even thought about changing with weight loss. Does this scare anyone else? The unkown? 

Since I've never been thin I don't know how to be. I'm now at the point where losing more will put me at my lowest weight of memory. I guess back to middle school before I hit the big 200. In my adult life my lowest weight was 213... I'm 214 right now. 

But you know what? 

I'm ready for it. I'm ready for all these new discoveries and unexpected moments of pure emotion. It's going to be scary but I won't let that keep me from reaching my goals. 

After the wave of emotion I just sat there in my tub...feeling small...wooshing my legs around... just because I could. 

No, I don't know what it's like to be thin... but I sure as HELL am gonna find out....

Color Me Sweaty

OH-EM-GEEEE!!!!

Ok, seriously guys. What a frikken Saturday!!! I know I was silly and double booked myself but it was soooo worth it! 

First I had the "Out of The Darkness" Suicide prevention walk at Berkley Riverfront Park in KC. Beautiful, but cold...oh so very very cold. I just wore my yogas, a tank top, a t-shirt and a little zip up long sleeve shirt. MAN it was cold...I swear people were staring at me because I was cutting glass over there with my frozen nips! It was good though, A couple local news people spoke and my friend Shaun spoke and shared his story. I think I had frozen tears on my cheek. Touching. I'm going to get really serious here for a second. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE know that if you are depressed and feeling like the only option is to take your life, TALK TO SOMEONE. There are other options, there is help. There is a suicide in the U.S. every 13 minutes...that's staggering. 

After I left I spent about 30 minutes just figuring out how to get out of the effffffing city!! I almost had a kiniption...for real. I finally made it out and met up with Cupcake and we were off to Lawrence! It wasn't as far away as I thought, only took like 25 minutes to get there from Overland Park. We went and got us a coffee to warm us up before we went to pick up our packet. We got there like 2 hours early but it went fast. We got all dolled up and we were ready to go!  ***WARNING*** You are about to enter picture overload Muhuhahahahaaaa!!!

We decided to go ahead and get lined up at the starting point an hour early because it was pretty much a pre-party lol, there were probably already 500 people and there was a d.j. up in a tower playing some tasty jams. There was A LOT of white!!!

Yes, that's me double fisting dueling energy drinks lol

There were a lot of really funny costumes and team names. Our team name

was "Color Me Sweaty"

This was our game face... we were ready to go!!!

Yes, there are like THOUSANDS of people in the street behind us

as far as the eye can see!

We got carried away waiting for GO TIME!

AND AWAY WE GOOOOO!!!!

I have to tell you...I am SOOOOO proud of myself and cupcake. We ran...

and ran... and ran!! I can not believe how long we ran! I did ZERO 

preparation or training for this race. I didn't run one time to prepare. 

But my ass ran...and no one was chasing me with a knife! I couldn't frikken 

believe it! We ran from the start all the way to the first checkpoint/color station. Then we HAD to stop running...why you ask? Was I tired? Well, no not really... umm...I had to pee...REALLY bad. Like

Every bounce/step running made me leak just a wee little bit (thank you Doots and Shoogs!)

ORANGE! 

BLUE!!! It was the CRAZIEST color station...there was a giant blue cloud 

you could see from waaaayyy far away.

PINK!!!

When you get to the finish line there is a Finish Line Festival with a D.J., stage, crazy music

And a color throw every 15 minutes. You are given a bag of color in your packet at the very 

beginning and that's what you throw at the end. The first throw when we got to the finish line

was to the song "Gangnam Style" by Psy. EPIC!

After the first color throw. Pure AWESOMENESSSSS!!!!

I am such a frikken dork......

This was right before we left. I can not even describe to you how awesome this was.

Check out when the color run is coming to your area... you HAVE to do it...

even if you don't run...you can walk or dance the whole way! We ran quite a bit quite a few

times and it was delightful. I am FEELING it today hardcore. I can barely walk, my legs are

PISSED at me! But it was worth it and I learned that running is fun... 

(SSHHHHHH....don't tell anyone I said that. It will just be our little secret mkay?)

Afterwards we went to dinner. All I have to say is Thank you lap-band. I had to take a picture of my 

plate AFTER I was all done eating because it amazed me. 

These were just bean and cheese nachos. I remember before the lap-band this 

would have made me laugh if you brought me this as a meal... I would have ate the 

whole thing AND dessert and I would still be hungry. I don't even think I ate a 1/3 of these

and I was done. Like stick a fork in me done. THAT'S what the lap-band has done for me.

I finally feel "full" a feeling I have not felt in quite a long time. I'm almost 3 months post-op 

and I can't wait to see what the next 3 months have in store. It's a great feeling to change your life.