It makes so much sense now....

THANK YOU Morgan (maximizing my minimizing)!!!!

I just had another "Ah-ha!" moment after reading her comment on my last post and my response.

"Thank you for being the voice of reason Morgan! I felt kind of defeated and almost just said screw it, on to tomorrow! But you are right on... I need to move, if even for a walk. It was just so irritating because I was so motivated and day 2 already a fail..."

*chokes on my water*

Did I really say that?
Did I really feel that way?

I thought nothing of it as I typed it, then going back and reading I thought:
"You stupid mcstupidstein, mayor of stupidsville!"

I had a rush of memories (like a movie montage) from over the years of me saying terribly negative things to myself whether outloud or internal dialouge.

No wonder I  failed  EVERYTIME I lost weight with any diet or exercise program I ever tried.
No wonder I always gain all the weight back.
No wonder I can't stick to any program forever.

I'm NOT failing.... but I think I am. I take every mistep... every little think that doesn't go my way and call it failure.

Just an example of things I've said/done in the past and never really noticed until about 10 minutes ago:
-"Damnit! Why did I just eat that cookie? Now my whole day is shot... I might as well not exercise"

-"I only lost .2 ?!?!?! I did everything right! Oh well, I'm super upset, I want an Ice cream."

-"I don't feel good, I'm not going to exercise" the next day "Well, I didn't exercise yesterday so why should I today? I'll just start over next week"  the next week "Wow, I gained 1 lb. This is never gonna work. I'll just start up again next month.


You know it's crazy because everyone around me would describe me as outgoing, funny, bubbly, always in a good mood..... So why the HELL can I not be that way to myself?

Friend: "Blah, I just caved and had a slice of cake"
Me: "Oh don't worry about it! Just a blip in the radar, keep on track and don't get down. You can do it!!"


Me: "Blah, I just caved and had a sclice of cake"
Me: "You are such a loser...you just blew your whole day if not your whole week. Why even try, you won't succeed"


Wow.... (I seem to be saying that alot lately)

Why do I treat myself SOOOOOO much differently than I treat others?
It feels like the veil is lifting and I'm FINALLY seeing myself. Not the self that everyone else see's and hears but the self I see and hear on the inside.

It's time that I become my biggest fan instead of my worst critic.
So what I didn't feel good this morning and didn't get to Zumba. That will NOT ruin my day, or my week, or my month, or my life.

I'm gonna go for a walk instead.... with my head held high.