Needles and vials and pills oh my!

So we are finally getting the show on the road with this egg donation. In fact i start my first medication tomorrow....sooooooooo if you are ever thinking of donating eggs let me show you what you are looking at medication wise...

Thats 40 syringes you see in those bags.... Each box contains vials of medication...a medicine pen...and a bottle o' pills. I've already been told many times about some of the side effects of these meds and it sounds like it is going to be quite the adventure...but its worth it to know that i was able to help this awesome couple have a baby.

Just a warning... There may be some crazy lady posts in the next couple of weeks as i go through chemical induced menopause... Then chemical induced super egg producing machine starts... Wish me luck! I will keep you posted!

SUBMISSION!!!!!!!!!!

Who just had their last supervised diet appointment?
ME!
Oh yeah baby!

*does happy dance*

Who lost 5 lbs since their last appointment?
Oh yeah, that's right ME BABY!

*does happy dance*

Who had their packet submitted to insurance for approval today?
You guessed it, ME!!!

This girl right here is having a great day! 



Now we play the waiting game...

Which shouldn't be too long, she said they usually hear from my insurance within a couple of days!

EEEEK!

Ok, so if you have been following you know I am in my six month supervised diet for my lap-band.

When is my last appointment?

May 31st you say?

Why that's tomorrow!

OMG!!! My last appointment is tomorrow!!!!

Initiate mini freak out in 3...2...1...

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I can't believe it... Where has this last 6 months gone? It seems like just yesterday I was at my original consult!


I also had a little freak out last week. The hubs lost his job thursday. He was with the dealership for 5 years and apparently they wanted to bring in someone with more experience in his particular job at the time to try and make more money since they aren't doing too terribly well.

We have 2 kids under 5 so we have no savings... only expenses.

I kinda freaked out because I thought "there's no way we can afford this surgery now"

But then I did a happy dance and patted myself on the back for being so prepared... I put $3000 in my flexible spending account JUST for this. I'm good huh? Look at me planning ahead for once! HA!

Well.... Wish me luck!  :)

What a week...

So this post will be really random because I don't have a structured thought process about it today. Let's do this bullet style shall we?

• We had a kind of huge life change yesterday... As soon as my hubby is ready for the world to know I will post about it (it's killing me because I'm such an open book about everything so I just want to vent about it, but I will respect him and wait...) vent post probably coming soon though ;)
• Egg donation thing is starting quick! I start my first injections on June1st!
• My last 6 month diet appointment is next week...WOWZAS!
• I'm thinking about giving in and joining you all for Ten Things Thursday and BYOC with Drazil. Maybe next week? 
• I think I have "Last Supper" syndrome. Some days I eat great and then others I eat terrible. And when I eat terrible I get this panicky feeling and think "This may be the last time I get to eat this!" I need to curb check this REAL soon!
• People are getting banded all over the damn place this week! I have like 3 or 4 blog buddies that got banded this week! CRAZINESS! 
• I haven't set a weigh in day which is why I haven't updated anything. So everyone, what would be a good weigh in day? Why do you weigh in on the day you do? 
• I think I have a UTI, I'm getting ready to drink a GALLON of cranberry juice and go to bed... As my hubby would say "I got my pinchers out, cuz i'm CRABBY!"
• I haven't worked out in 2 weeks, yup...you read that right...2 whole weeks. I feel like crap because of it too. Shame on me
• To keep with the confessions.... About an hour ago I ate about 3 brownies worth of brownie batter before I put the pan in the oven...ugghh.. *removes head from ass* there, that should help! 

Wow, I think I just did TTT... Maybe it's easier than I though :) 

Oh and I just want to say "Herrrroooowww" to my new followers, THANK YOU ....for realz. I need you guys. Please comment and if you have a blog let me know so I can follow you :)

Sweet, sweet nectar...

Time to reminisce 50 Shades of Grey style.....

I saw you from across the room...
I knew right then and there that I had to have you.
As I walked towards you I felt my heart race in anticipation.
The closer I walked to you...the more I wanted you.
I would not stop my pursuit until you were inside me...

When I got close to you I stopped... feeling as though my breath had been stolen from my chest.
My heart was beating out of my chest as I stare at your hard body.
Overcome, I reach for you...
The touch of your body makes me wet.
I put my mouth to you and as you enter me I feel a sense of calm as your sweet, sweet nectar coates my mouth and slides down my throat... As I was engulfed in pleasure I had no idea that this encounter may be our last... I am constantly and forever searching for you... If only I could feel you, taste you one...last...time..

You wanna see a picture of my lover?

*giggles*

WOW GUYS! Get your minds out of the gutter! Sheeeesh! :)

SICKOS!!!

Let me just tell you.... I have not had one of these in a bajillion years (My math may be slightly off on that..)

When I was pregnant I craved it... However... You can't find it here ANYWHERE. One day it just vanished quite a few years ago. I'm heartbroken.. I never got one while I was pregnant (oh, momma bear was not happy about it and everyone around me heard about it daily)

But I WILL have one last rendevous with this glorious beverage before surgery. If I am giving up soda forever I have to drink just one more...

But where oh where do I find this orgasm in a bottle? I have had friends look at seedy gas stations all over Kansas and Missouri and their efforts have bore no fruit.

So this is where you all come in... All you out there in blogland all over the world... Does your grocery store carry this sweet citrus berry burst liquid heaven? If so, I will pay you to ship it me...no joke.

OHHHHH!! Btw... if you have read earlier posts you know I am in the process of donating eggs for a great couple. (if not you can read about it here) We met with the anesthesiologist and she was happy with my 21 lb weight loss and cleared me for the IVF cycle in June so there will be an egg harvest mid June. So excited :)

Shout out!!!

My bandy bestie Michelle at Michelle's Laps in Life will be having her Lap-Band surgery tomorrow!!!
I'm so excited I could poop!!!

You should totally go to her blog Here, and show her some love and support!

I will be thinking about you miss lady :)
This is for you...

YOU ARE GOING TO ROCK THIS!

You're not THAT fat!

Here are some responses I get when I tell people I am getting the Lap-Band:

"Oh you don't need that do you? You aren't even fat!"

"You aren't THAT big!"

"There's NO WAY you have that much weight to lose!"

"You are a solid girl but you're not really big!"


These are all really nice comments and I appreciate the kindness behind the words. In no way, shape, or form am I mad at those people... I love them and their good intentions.

But I have to wonder....
Is this how they REALLY see me?
Or are they just trying to be nice?
I am MORBIDLY OBESE people! They don't just give that title away to any old person with a couple extra LB's around the tummy.You have to earn that title with copious amounts of body fat.
I mean I know a friend isn't going to say "Oh girl...you are sooooo fat! Look at those rolls, fatty mcfatterstein...mayor of fattysburg!"
But I also don't want people to feel like I am a glass case of emotion. I am FINALLY honest about my weight and it's really ok with me to talk about it.

I mentioned in a previos post about how I have some sort of body dismorphia where what I see in the mirror is not reality... I don't see a fat person, I don't see 250 lbs...  but then if I look at a picture i'm like "who's that fatty?! Oh, it's me? YIKES!" I'm thinking that it's YEARS of comments like the above that have given me a false body image.  And boy has it caused a war in my mind... I may look in the mirror and think "Damn I look good!" Then someone snaps a picture and I'm mad at myself for thinking I looked good in the mirror. Or when I'm all confident and feeling good and some poopy pants, meanie head stranger makes a random comment about me being fat and I go home and cry myself to sleep. Then for like 2 months I'm super self conscious about EVERYTHING... I feel like people are staring...I stop wearing makeup...stop dressing nice...try not to go out unless I have to...look in the mirror and curse it... Then I shake it off and the cycle starts again.
I'm ready to BREAK THAT FREAKING CYCLE!!! I'm so ready for this.

I've always thought things like:

"I will never reach my normal BMI."
"There's no way I will ever get down to 145 lbs, I would look sick!"
"I don't want to lose THAT much weight, I just want to be like a size 10"

Well you know what?

I WILL reach my normal BMI....
I WILL get down to 145 lbs and I will be healthy...
I WILL lose that much weight and will not settle for a size 10...

You just wait, I WILL be a unicorn :)

Planning is key, Food Porn, and Facebook...

Planning is the key to success.

I found that out this week...

Wanna see how I found out? (here comes the food porn)

Yup... That was my lunch....

And I'm not happy about it for numerous reasons. I'm angry at myself for this picture and here's why:

1. I didn't bring my lunch to work... Why?
    a) I haven't been grocery shopping
    b)there was nothing in my pantry (well healthy anyways...)
   Conclusion? I DIDN'T PLAN!!

2. I went to Mcdonalds... Why?
    a) I didn't get gas on my way to work so I HAD to get gas before I went anywhere which took up alot of my lunch.
    b) I only have a 30 minute lunch and McD's is the closest (I usually go to subway but it's far away)
  Conclusion? I DIDN'T PLAN!!

(anyone see a theme here?)


Ok, so I didn't plan... You know what NOT planning does? It sets you up for making poor choices. I had to choose McD's on a whim and on that same whim chose my meal.

I could have gotten a grilled chicken sandwich....
I could have gotten a yogurt parfait....

Had I made a plan in my head before I went.
But I didn't...
I just went...
And let my clouded judgement choose a daily double extra value meal.

I've been doing soooo good the last few weeks... Hell I lost 19 lbs!

WHY? Because I PLANNED every morsel that entered my mouth. I was satisfied, I ate great, I wasn't stressed.

I'm so glad i'm learning these hard lessons now, BEFORE I get the band. I feel like I'm learning the things that will start me off succuessful and the success train will just keep rolling.

So what am I going to do tonight? Go to the grocery store and PLAN the rest of my meals for the week. I HAVE to, I can't trust my "in the moment" food judgement yet. I haven't perfected it and I probably never will which is why I must learn to PLAN because that's what I will have to do for the rest of my life to be successful.


Oh yeah, Facebook...
The Dandy Bandy is now on facebook! :)

You can find me and LIKE me at www.facebook.com/thedandybandy

What's the weight limit on that?!?!?

As promised, a continuation of earlier's post...

So in my last post I showed you the lovely pictures from Worlds Of Fun, you know my oldest had a blast on her first roller coaster.

For all of you reading who are or have ever been obese you know the nervousness that comes with roller coasters. For those of you who have never been obese let me explain....

Each roller coaster has something that keeps you held in, whether it's a seat belt... a lap bar... a bar that comes down over your chest or a combination of them. It's also important to mention that said safety items are adjustable...to a point.

If said safety items will not fit around/on you properly then you are unable to ride the ride and you are asked to get off said ride. Then you have to make the walk of shame off the coaster and down to ground where you KNOW everyone who just witnessed that is giggling with their friends about the "fat girl" that was too fat she couldn't ride the ride.

This scenario is in the back of my mind EVERY TIME I go... Especially when I'm at a high weight. I hold my breathe every time I stretch the belt around me, or pull the lap bar down.

There have been a couple of times where I have had to suck it in and painfully click the seat belt as it cuts off my circulation.

There was one time when I got in a ride and the lap bar wouldn't lock down. I couldn't get it pushed down far enough. I looked at my husband and he probably thought I was about to go postal.... I said "You better push down on this as hard as you frikken can because I am NOT getting off this damn rollercoaster!!" It was painful, but it locked down.

I've never actually had to do the walk of shame but I've come dangerously close....


Well, I have to tell you I'm kinda proud of myself... There is this "ride" at the park called "The Rip Cord". It's a free fall ride where you are hoisted up 180 feet in the air and then you pull the cord which releases you into a pendulum free fall going 80 MPH.

Sounds ridiculously, poop your pants fun right?

Well I have been eyeing this ride for MANY years...but I was scared...

Not of heights...
Or the free fall...

In fact that's what made me want to ride it sooooo bad.

So what was I afraid of?

Embarrassment.

I was terrified that I was too fat. I always just thought I was too fat and not to even try. I was such a chicken shit that I wouldn't even go up to the counter and ask what the weight limit was. I was so terrified that people would over hear me and laugh...
Or worse the lady would tell me I can't ride because I'm too fat...
Or worst of all I would pay and then they wouldn't have a harness that would fit me so I would be turned away and hear snickering as I walked away with my head hanging...

Enter my cousin... You know, the ones in all my pictures?
Now she was terrified also, but because of all the reasons I was excited...the height, the free fall, etc...

She said she wanted to ride and wanted me to go with her...
I could feel my cheeks getting red when I told her I thought I was too fat.

She said "Uh-uh... you are not too fat. You ARE doing this with me!" (Have I mentioned I love this girl?)

So she walked right up to the counter and did what I was too scared to do for over 10 years... asked a simple question.

"Is there a weight limit to ride this?"

I held my breathe....Nervous... just waiting for the whole park to laugh at me.

"Oh no hun, there's no weight limit!"

What?!? Did I hear that right?

My cousin just looked back at me and grinned... then continued to pay the woman and sign us up.

Wow... that was easy...

Then came the moment I was REALLY dreading... when they lay the harnesses out for you to put on. I was just waiting for the worker who was sizing me up to tell me that unfortunately they didn't have a harness big enough for me.

The guy walked up to me... I think you could see my heart beating through my chest....

"Step in the loops and pull up your harness"

SIIIGHHHHH of relief

He tightened it up and gave me a pat and said have fun.

You know what?

I DID!!!

I had a freaking blast!

 steppin' in...

 gettin suited up

 poppin our collars lol

 Ready to go!

 Loading us up!

Post rip cord... flyin high on adrenaline! :) 

Now If i can do THAT? I can do ANYTHING! 

I'm ALIVE!

Hi there...

It's me, Julie...You know "The Dandy Bandy" ...  Remember?
I know it's been a long time...

Maybe if I show you a picture?

Yay you remember me!!!!!   :)

I know, I know...It's been FOREVER since you heard a peep out of me. I didn't call... I didn't write...
You probably thought (As my momma used to say:) " I thought you were lying dead in a ditch somewhere!!!"

Let me assure you I am not dead in a ditch or anyplace else! I'm very much alive!

Not sure why I haven't posted... Guess I feel like I haven't had much to say?

Well, alot has happened! Maybe not all weight/health related but alot none the less.

First? I bought a new dress... A bright designed maxi. Out of my comfort zone but I figured I will be doing A LOT of things out of my comfort zone. Can I say that I LOVE it?!?! I want to buy like 50 more! It's sooooo comfortable..i'm not worried about rolls showing lol. It's easy to pose to where I look thin! ;)

(my lovely cousin again, I love her!)

I got my baby girls ears pierced Saturday. She is such a trooper! Only cried for a minute then she was over it! I think her big sister cried more than she did. It was soo cute, she wanted to watch and when they did it and sissy started crying it just broke her little heart!

It looks worse than it was!

See the dress again? :)

And lastly... Saturday night I took big sis on her first trip to Worlds Of Fun!!! (amusement park in Kansas City MO) It's an understatement to say she had a blast! It was such a fun time...

Her very first roller coaster ever!

She just couldn't stop smiling

She has the same smile in all of them!

Picture of the day...by far. 

It was a beautiful evening in KC

There is actually a 2nd part to this which I will post later. Me and my cousin faced our fears and did something CRAZY! I should have those pictures tonight so stay tuned! :) 

Congrats!!!!!

I just wanted to give a huge shout out and CONGRATS! To my fellow band to be blogger Michelle at Michelle's Laps in Life 

She just found out yesterday that her insurance company APPROVED her for surgery!

Yay!
Yippee!
*does a happy dance*

Go on over and tell her congrats, even if you haven't been following her (which you should!)

Through our blogs me and Michelle have found that we are a lot alike and we get along swimmingly. I'm so glad I have someone so much like me to kind of go through this with (even though she will have surgery before me, but not by much!)

On a related note, My *gulp* LAST 6 month diet appointment is on May 31st. Soooo that's 29 days away?
YIKES!
My insurance submission will be soon...then I'LL have the waiting game...

Starting to get nervous that even though i've done EVERYTHING I'm supposed to that the insurance company will come up with a reason to deny it... I know I should stay positive, which I am...believe me. I just can't get rid of that wittle bitty voice in the back of my head saying "woah now, don't count all your eggs before they hatch... Nothing is gauranteed until you see that APPROVED..."

29 days...