Eff this Effing Sh*t!!!!!!

Seriously...

F*CK.THIS.SHIT.....

I'm done.... I'm effffffffing done!!!


But it's not what it seems.... I promise this is a good thing. I haven't been doing very good lately and I'm making big changes.... So I just want to dish out some EFF YOU's to clear my mind of negativity so I can fill with butterflies and rainbows and shit. 

EFFFFFF YOU BRAIN! 
Yeah...you... brain you are supposed to be smart.. and adapt... I've lost 100 lbs, WHY YOU NO REALIZE THAT?!?! Why do you insist on bringing me back to old habits from 100lbs ago? Yeah I had some chocolate...big whoop.. well apparently, to my brain it is a big whoop. Let me just narrate a little crazy conversation that goes on in my head....

*Ahem*

Me - Eats a piece of chocolate
Brain - "Mmmmmm....that's good chocolate...buuuuuuutttt...you really shouldn't eat that, you kind of went over your calories for breakfast....soo... you kinda ruined breakfast...sooo... FUCK IT!! EAT ALL THE CHOCOLATES YOUR DAY IS IN THE SHITTER ANYWAY!!! 
Me -Eats like 10 more pieces of chocolate
Brain -"Well, might as well have a piece of cake now fatty... and how about a coke... yeah a coke sounds real nice...days already ruined why not just stuff your face until you feel sick. Great job staying on track fatty patty... Maybe we'll start over again tomorrow... or maybe we'll have peanut butter cups for breakfast... because you suck and can't say no. Super fantastic job sucking at life."
Me - steps on scale...1 lb gain
Brain - "REALLY?!?!?! You gotta be kidding me?!? How did this happen? geeze, you should really get a cappuccino at QT... oh and eat some candy... and drink some coke... That will make you feel better. 
Me - Does all of the above
Brain -  Holy f*ck what have I done... might as well just eat some more.. you're already f*cked. 


Umm...yeah...that's real there...I have come a long damn way but I still struggle with negative self talk and snowballs of guilt eating.  So speaking of chocolate...

EFFFFFFF YOU CHOCOLATE!!! 

You are so creamy and delicious and hard to pass up. Stop being good k? You suck... big ole donkey balls....

EFFFFFFF YOU SODA!!!!

Or "liquid satan" as I like to call it...Why are you so bubbly and yummy and addicting? You too suck my friend...actually you and I are no longer friends. I am un-friending you and blocking you effective immediately. 

So now that i've let that all out there are few apologies i need to make... to some old friends that I have left to gather dust. 

I'M SORRY WATER!!!!

I have all but abandoned  you... you are so wonderful and an integral part of living and being healthy. And I haven't seen you in a hot damn minute. I promise I will start drinking you more often...in fact...every day all day... we are gonna be buds, you and me...

I'M SORRY VEGETABLES!!!!

I haven't seen you in a while my friend... you probably thought I forgot about you... Don't worry..momma's home... I will be devouring you by the truckful. 

I'M SOOO SORRY EXERCISE!!!!

Shaun T would have kicked my ass if he knew what I have been doing...which is NOTHING. If you count walking down the stairs to my car exercise then i've mastered that. I promise you will start seeing more of me... starting today... we already had a pretty rough reunion tonight... I ended up on the floor in tears... kind of out of happiness, but mostly because I felt like puking everywhere. 

I stepped on the scale this morning and it said 162 
ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY TWO 
And that's how I came up with this title... because those are the exact words that flew out of my mouth at 6:30 this morning... sure did wake me up though...