Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Big Changes Folks...

If you follow me on facebook ( Then you have seen me eluding to some big changes. I waited to tell you all what the changes were because I wanted to let it all out and show you my slide backwards which I did yesterday, you can read my big EFF YOU'S here.
So now all that is out of my system and off of my shoulders I can tell you about my plan on fixing the problems that developed.

It may not seem big to some.... but it sure is big to me, growing up on southern cooking and comfort foods but the biggest changing I am making in my life...
I think it's important I revise that....I need to give props to my amazingly supportive boyfriend....the biggest change WE are making in OUR LIVES is that we not eating meat... none...
I have grown up like most as a heavy meat eater. If there wasn't meat in my meal it wasn't a was a snack lol I've never eaten tofu... i've never eaten "fake" meat as I call it... You know...looks like chicken...smells like chicken...but it ain't chicken... I think it's soy...

Now I want to make a disclaimer right now so I don't get messages and comments from people about how i'm not doing it right.... we are NOT becoming vegetarians well we are...but not putting a label on it.. we are NOT going vegan... We are simply not eating meat anymore. I'm no longer building every meal around animal protein. We are not cutting out seafood because...well...I love that shit. And there's a lot of health benefits. I'm still eating cheese when I want... I will still make me an egg white omlete every now and then. I'm trying to adapt my tastes to soy milk... it's hard because i've never had it and only had cow's milk. But i'm trying so that's good right? I'm giving the old college try!

Willy Wonka on Vegetarians #meme

I'm ready to learn new things in the culinary world... learn that my plate doesn't HAVE to have meat on it to fill me up and taste good. I'm kind of sick of eating the same things my whole life. Let's see here let's review my menu from oh...about the past 10 years shall we?

1.Spegetti and MEAT sauce
2. BEEF/CHICKEN enchiladas
3. BEEF Sloppy joes
4. CHICKEN tetrazzini
5. CHICKEN stir fry
7. ROAST and potatoes and carrots
8. Chilli (with lots-o BURGER)
9.Homemade CHICKEN and noodles
10. Grilled CHICKEN and vegies

I could go on but you get the picture... meat meat meat meat... gimme some meat...all day all night.

We have been doing a lot of research and the effects of meat on your body...especially red meat.
Getting the lap-band just makes my diet consist even more of meat...sometimes my meal is literally only a piece of meat since I gotta gets my proteins in. I'm learning that there are other non-meat sources of protein and I am willing to give it a try. 

We stocked up on Amy's burritos and meals and Morning star "meats" I also cooked with Quinoa for the first time and I FRIKKEN LOVE IT!! I made southwest quinoa stuffed peppers and they were amazing.

I can't wait to start making some really awesome protein packed meals and posting the recipes!!

Wish me luck!! :)

And here's the way I look at it... I'm doing ya'll a favor!!

Dear Vegetarians -

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Eff this Effing Sh*t!!!!!!



I'm done.... I'm effffffffing done!!!

But it's not what it seems.... I promise this is a good thing. I haven't been doing very good lately and I'm making big changes.... So I just want to dish out some EFF YOU's to clear my mind of negativity so I can fill with butterflies and rainbows and shit. 

EFFFFFF YOU BRAIN! brain you are supposed to be smart.. and adapt... I've lost 100 lbs, WHY YOU NO REALIZE THAT?!?! Why do you insist on bringing me back to old habits from 100lbs ago? Yeah I had some chocolate...big whoop.. well apparently, to my brain it is a big whoop. Let me just narrate a little crazy conversation that goes on in my head....


Me - Eats a piece of chocolate
Brain - "Mmmmmm....that's good really shouldn't eat that, you kind of went over your calories for breakfast....soo... you kinda ruined breakfast...sooo... FUCK IT!! EAT ALL THE CHOCOLATES YOUR DAY IS IN THE SHITTER ANYWAY!!! 
Me -Eats like 10 more pieces of chocolate
Brain -"Well, might as well have a piece of cake now fatty... and how about a coke... yeah a coke sounds real nice...days already ruined why not just stuff your face until you feel sick. Great job staying on track fatty patty... Maybe we'll start over again tomorrow... or maybe we'll have peanut butter cups for breakfast... because you suck and can't say no. Super fantastic job sucking at life."
Me - steps on scale...1 lb gain
Brain - "REALLY?!?!?! You gotta be kidding me?!? How did this happen? geeze, you should really get a cappuccino at QT... oh and eat some candy... and drink some coke... That will make you feel better. 
Me - Does all of the above
Brain -  Holy f*ck what have I done... might as well just eat some more.. you're already f*cked. 

Umm...yeah...that's real there...I have come a long damn way but I still struggle with negative self talk and snowballs of guilt eating.  So speaking of chocolate...


You are so creamy and delicious and hard to pass up. Stop being good k? You suck... big ole donkey balls....


Or "liquid satan" as I like to call it...Why are you so bubbly and yummy and addicting? You too suck my friend...actually you and I are no longer friends. I am un-friending you and blocking you effective immediately. 

So now that i've let that all out there are few apologies i need to make... to some old friends that I have left to gather dust. 


I have all but abandoned  you... you are so wonderful and an integral part of living and being healthy. And I haven't seen you in a hot damn minute. I promise I will start drinking you more fact...every day all day... we are gonna be buds, you and me...


I haven't seen you in a while my friend... you probably thought I forgot about you... Don't worry..momma's home... I will be devouring you by the truckful. 


Shaun T would have kicked my ass if he knew what I have been doing...which is NOTHING. If you count walking down the stairs to my car exercise then i've mastered that. I promise you will start seeing more of me... starting today... we already had a pretty rough reunion tonight... I ended up on the floor in tears... kind of out of happiness, but mostly because I felt like puking everywhere. 

I stepped on the scale this morning and it said 162 
And that's how I came up with this title... because those are the exact words that flew out of my mouth at 6:30 this morning... sure did wake me up though...

Saturday, December 28, 2013

I used to wear that?!?

OK so I finally took some pics of me in my old clothes!!!!

 What?!?! I can't believe these used to fit!!! I mean they were even tight! I just can't believe it. The pants literally fell off of me if I didn't constantly hold them up. The shirt is a 2XL...WHAT?!?!?! WTF? wow... it's funny, sometimes I still feel like that's who I am and what I look like. It's fading...but it's still there.

Here's some more pics!!!

The first pic is the night before surgery so 7/11/12 the middle is from 12/17/12 and the last one is from today 12/28/13. WOWZAS!!! it's amazing, truly, This journey never ends...i'm not exactly where I want to be yet...but DAYUMMMM!!!!!

This picture is from my outfit I wore to my office holiday dinner party last night. I never in my wildest dreams would have ever even thought about wearing anything like this 105 lbs ago!
When I look at this picture it feels like i'm looking at someone else. It doesn't seem like me! But it is... and I LOVE IT!!! I am a new person and I hope I never find that old person again! I have so much energy... I can do so much more than I could before and I can wear CUTE ASS CLOTHES!!! This surgery was the best choice I have ever made. It's been a rough road but I have NO REGRETS!!!

Thursday, December 19, 2013

TTT - Confessional Style

Oh hi there!

Remember me?

Dandy? Bandy?

YEAH! The one that hasn't blogged in like 2 months..... That's me...

I have decided to pick a Ten Things Thursday to make my triumphant return.

I wasn't gonna.. I was gonna just keep NOT blogging... but a conversation with my gorgeous friend (and lap-band rockstar) Rebecca who by the way has been a huge friend to me in this journey,  convinced me that is the exact opposite of what I need to do.

So without further ado I bring you my Ten Things Thursday Confessional....

1. So... I haven't blogged in over 2 months. Why? Because I did something I said I wouldn't do. I went against why I started this blog in the first place. I have always said that I would share the good the bad and the ugly. My struggles and my accomplishments...but you know what? That's easier to say when there isn't much bad or ugly... when accomplishments outweigh the struggles. My friends I stopped blogging because I was embarrassed. I was mad at myself because I went on a week long sugar ban... and then folded and the opposite happened, i started eating more sugar than ever. Let me just calls em likes I sees em here for a second. I've been a JERK to my lap-band and my goals the last 2 months. How you ask... let's move on to #2.

2. I went 2 months with only drinking about a bottle's worth of water.... TOTAL. Like, no sips of agua...just gave that shit up for some reason.

3. I eat chocolate as meals...whole meals. Like...what's for breakfast today Julie? OH ....6 mini reeses cups, a butterfinger bar and 2 hershey kisses. Fantastic.

4. I ate a whole batch of heath bar cookie dough in 2 days... yep.. 2 effing days. A WHOLE batch I shit you not.

5. I have been drinking regular soda... Like COCA COLA folks! like regular.ass.soda.

6. I haven't been counting calories, protein, making healthy meals, NOTHING. I've been eating a lot of frozen pizza and taco bell. I haven't been using lite sour cream or fat free cream cheese, or wheat noodles. NADA. I've eaten a LOT of chicken tenders and french fries for lunch.

7. I haven't exercised since my last post about Insanity. Nothing... No kettle bell... ZIP... ZILCH!

8. At this specific point in my life self control has gone out the window. We keep getting lovely gifts like this 10 ton tub of kryptonite.
I could seriously barely carry this monstrosity. Oh and there are only 8 people in my office. How in any universe is 8 people gonna finish half a million pieces of chocolate?  And why can't I keep my damn hands off of it? 

9. I'm done... i'm done feeling sorry for myself and i'm sick of this snowball of  "Eat bad...feel guilty...Eat something bad to feel better...Feel guilty for eating something bad...Eat something bad to feel better" IT.HAS.TO.STOP. and it stops now. 

10. You want to know what I have also realized? I got this. I know I have made it sound like I'm eating enough for a football team and it feels like I am... But I'm really not. Yes, I am making terrible choices of what i'm putting in my mouth. But the overall quantity is not nearly as bad as it feels. I haven't had batteries in my scale the past 2 months either so that stress had me DOWN. I was 100% positive I had gained AT LEAST 10 lbs, maybe even 15 or 20.  I finally put batteries in my scale... I took a nice, big, deep ass breathe and stepped on, nervous as all hell and what did it say? 

156 lbs
 I did a double take... That couldn't be right... So I weighed myself again to be sure... After weighing 9 times I finally realized that really was my weight. All that guilt and negative self talk was for NOTHING...literally nothing. I didn't gain a single effing lb. My last weigh in was in September and it was 156.3 lbs. I was absolutely astonished. I couldn't believe it. 

PHEW!!! I know now not to play with fire. To love myself and trust myself and not beat myself up. It's amazing how I have lost 105 lbs and my body looks completely different but my mind is still in fat mode.... mean, negative mode when it wants to be. I'm taking this as a lesson learned and I'm moving forward! Thank god i don't have to undo some crazy ass damage on the scale... i'm lucky as shit on that one! 

Look for me to be posting more... I HAVE to... the accountability and camaraderie keeps me motivated and focused. I'm no longer going to hide my jerk face moments. I'm going to own them so I can move past them!!! 

Here is a throwback thursday pic to see just how far I have come. Here is what 105 lbs gone looks like in my face. 

Till next time lovelies. I have lots of pics for you :) and I will do an official weigh in here in the next couple of days to start things back off right!

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Ten Things Thursday Oh How I Miss THEE!

It's been a pretty long time since I did a TTT and that my friends, blows....hard. But here we are and here I go! Brought to you by miss Laura Belle. (p.s. She just went back to work after being home with baby D and she's had a rough few days... ya'all should go give her some love at Beer, Dogs, and Getting Healthier)

1.Week one of Insanity DONE! And I feel absolutely phenomenal, for real. It's crazy and I feel like I'm dying but it's amazeballs. Can't wait to see what week 2 will bring :)
Before and after last day of Week 1 Oh, and SATAN  Shaun T :)
notice I'm smiling more? 

2. Reached a blog milestone today...


3. Got a little bummed tonight... Not gonna lie... I miss the old "family" life sometimes. I mean it would never work and believe me i'm not thinking about going back, but I can't help but miss the whole "family" thing.

4. Quickly shook that off and found happiness in the now :)

5. Speaking of the kiddos, they are going to their grandmas for the weekend for their annual weenie roast and hayride. This is the first weekend in a very long time that I won't have them and I am going to miss them to absolute pieces. So tonight I am going to go down and have a "slumber party" with them at my grandmas house and take them to school on Friday.

6. Although I will miss my kids this weekend I am looking forward to finally having a weekend to relax. And to spend quality time with my love. We have had 3 out of our 4 kids like every weekend and have NEVER had an entire weekend to ourselves. I see a lot of sleeping, cuddling, movie watching, cuddling... and doing a whole lot of NOTHING!

7. I started taking a magnesium supplement. I love it...I haven't had a single leg cramp since I started taking it and I have been poopin' like a champ! It helps me sleep better at night and just helps me relax. I highly recommend you read about it and consider starting it! It tasted yummy too!
Natural Vitality                    Natural Calm Rasp-Lemon, 16.0 Ounces , Powder 

8. I think I got myself into a mess here... I kinda sorta agreed to start a sugar detox with miss Laura Belle. And I keep my word. It all started with her post yesterday which you can read Here. She basically FORCED me to give up sugar with her starting Monday. (Ok, ok, I may be exaggerating a bit here...she kinda just invited people to join her and I, on my own accord decided to jump in lol) It's not like I eat a TON of sugar to begin with, but with all this effort i'm putting in every where else, why not? 

9. *unwraps mini peanut butter cup and shoves it hurriedly into mouth...looks around*   What? We said we were starting Monday...SHEESH! *slowly reaches back into bag and grabs another peanut butter cup*
Don't judge me!

10. Please if you have a blog, post it in my comments, even if we are old friends...still post it, promote that shit! A lot of bloggers I started out with aren't blogging anymore and my blog feed is looking PUHRETTY slim these days.  I have quite a few pageviews but not many comments or followers, which means I got a lot of creepers! Please comment, it makes my day :) also please share your blog link so I can make sure I'm following you. 

Love you all my little cupcakes! I will probably have to do my weigh in Saturday since I won't have my Scale tomorrow. Can't wait! I know I'm up from my last weigh in but I'm down since starting Insanity! :)

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

That Sh*t is Buh-nanas, YO!

I have officially lost my mind.

Yep. I have gone completely Insane...... FOR INSANITY THAT IS!

*slaps knee*

See what I did there?

Ok, but seriously? Shaun T (creator and Instructor) puts it best in this evenings video: Shoot me in the fucking face  Pure Cardio when he said  "That SHIT is BUHnanas yo!"

I've craving exercise lately, I just couldn't get into a grove and get motivated. My eating has also been pretty craptastic lately which I think contributed to the lack of motivation. So the intern at work came up to me and we started talking about exercising. I can't even tell you now how we got on the topic but he asked if I had heard of Insanity. I said..."ummm...yeah...but I heard you had to be bat shit crazy to do it" He told me he had it and would give it to me.

Saweet. At first I say that sarcastically... because during a phase of motivation depletion I should totally make a fake 60 day commitment to a soul crushing workout. Yeah...that's gonna work *rolls eyes*

He was super excited about it and really adamant I start it. So I "promised" him (fingers crossed behind my back) that I would start it.

So i download the files on my laptop...print out the schedule and all that jazz. The first day is the "Fit Test" Just a few moves you do and see how many of each you can do. You do this fit test every other week through the program.

Cool beans... I can do this. It won't be that bad.

30 minutes later.....
EEEFFFFF MEEEEE!!!!!!! Are you effing kidding me here?!?! What kind of madness is this shit? Who in their right minds would subject themselves to this? 

Well... Apparantly me... I do... and while it was hard and I felt like I was going to collapse afterwards... and puked... and couldn't walk.. I have to tell you a secret but shhhhhhhhhh don't tell anyone. 

Get closer...

*looks around...leans into your ear* 


I loved the soreness... I LOVED feeling my muscles for the first time in a long time.. I LOVED feeling the results of my hard work. I couldn't even sit down on the frikken toilet to take me a pee without crying out in pain....

Something happened... A fire was awakened within me... 
I crave my workouts...
I think about it all day at work...
Every move I make I feel my muscles...
And it's Uh-may-zing. 

But boooooyyyyyyyy I really hadn't even seen nothing yet. Day 2 was actually what I would consider the real first day because it's the actual workout. And let me tell you... Just the warm up for the video is a full workout. You are dripping sweat and feel like quitting just after the warm up.

 My legs literally kept giving out on me... I had to grunt and moan and cry out just to make it through. 
But guess what? 
I fucking did it. 
I didn't quit... I finished the video. 
I felt like I was going to die... But I did it. I felt so much pride. But it wasn't until I started reading message boards when I found out a LOT of people didn't even make it through the video... only made it half way through. I totally pulled one of these sitting in my recliner...

I'm so excited about this and so ready to push myself and see just how hard I can push and see just much of a transformation I can make. It has reignited the fire within me to start getting my eating back in order. I feel so much motivation right now it's almost scary! I really feel unstoppable and I hope this momentum just keeps building as it has. 

Tonight I completed day 5 and although it was the hardest so far I feel soooo good afterwards! It was so crazy that the people in the video looked like they were dying.. even Shaun T got so tired he couldn't talk.
 He is so awesome... but EFF HIM! He pushes you so hard and you feel like he's there with you telling you to dig deeper. 
 Tonight was by far the sweatiest workout yet...also the one that I felt I pushed the hardest. This is my Pure Cardio face... lol After my workout I made me a little dinner.

1/2 cup fat free cottage cheese
1/4 cup lloyds shredded pork
1/4 cup lloyds shredded chicken
10 cheddar rice cakes

338 calories and 25 grams Protein. Not too bad! Oh and before you say EWWWW GROSS, you should try it... it's delicious. :)

Monday, October 14, 2013

Get might be here a while! (long overdue update!)

I'm gonna be completely honest here.... I have been "gone" so long I don't really have ANY FRIKKEN CLUE WHERE TO START! This may be really fragmented and strange, it might get a little weird...but if you stick around it just might be worth it! (I promise this is a pic filled post....I know that's all you guys come here for!! J/K!) I'm thinking bullets might work best for an update post...yeah bullets!

  • 1st and foremost I think the most exciting news is that I am no longer living in my boyfriends mom's sunroom! Woot woot! *happy dance* My love and I officially have our own apartment!!! We moved in the last week in July. I LOVE IT!!! It's been hard, we had nothing... his momma was AMAZING and furnished just about our entire apartment from garage sales. I can not thank her enough, she is an amazing woman who has accepted me and my children into her family, into her HOME with open arms and an open heart and has made me feel so loved and accepted. She is one of a kind and I am so lucky to have her in my life. 
  • Speaking of my love. When you find the right person you really know. I am so in love it's scary! lol  He makes me want to be a better person, push myself harder than I ever thought possible. He makes me feel beautiful, and wanted. I will spare my family the details so I will just say A++++ with a big puffy star sticker in the bedroom...  ;)  he is so supportive of my journey, he believes in me and encourages me everyday..especially on the days when I have a hard time encouraging myself.
  • The ball is finally rolling on my divorce. Things are SO much better with me and my ex. He has a girlfriend now and i'm super happy for him, I wish nothing but happiness for him. I'm lucky that I never have to worry about my daughters not having a father. My situation is still very hard and it makes more sense for them to go to school and stay with him on the weeknights and I have them every weekend. I know some people think it's weird but it works for us right now. I miss my kids...i was supermom for almost 5 years...did everything and now it's so different. I went from not even being able to pee by myself to being by myself every night (my love works until 9pm) Not gonna's lonely. But i'm finding my own happiness and making the most of the time I get with them. 
  • Soooo, because of above bullet and the fact I have defaulted on all my credit card bills...BLEH. I am looking for a 2nd job at nights. I want to give myself something to do and keep my mind off of being lonely and missing my kiddos while making some extra money to pay off my debt. Let me tell you, it's harder than it sounds to get a 2nd job... been trying for like 2 months now. Just keep swimming! :) 
  • My weight loss has hit a plateau... I mean it could possibly be all the peanut butter cups, potato chips and ice cream... COULD be... lol But what I have learned is that i'm getting pretty dang good at's just...well...i'm NOT at maintenance yet... still have a few elbees to go! I have a longer post coming about that soon.
  • OK, I think that's probably enough for now so let's start off the pic parade with kiddo pics, Shall we? 
    Her first day of Kindergarten! :)
Mackenzie's Kindergarten pic
My baby girls Kindergarten school picture...can't believe it! 

My babies eating their first breakfast at mommy's new apartment! :)

My little

One day I will probably have to break out this pic to prove
to them that they loved each other at one point! lol

This little monkey and her Minion cracks me up! She really knows 
how to lay on the cute!

Ok, Now on to yours truly! Time to show you a pictoral timeline of my life over the summer!!

No makeup, the day I hit the 100lb mark! :)

Such a change in my face!

OK folks... the next picture is a real heartbreaker for me...
See, I went shopping and tried on this dress and frugal me decided not to buy 
it when I found out it wasn't on clearance. Regular price was only $36..not like it was expensive, but I 
passed on it anyway and KICK myself for it... what a dummy!
I effing LOOOOVVEEEDD it!!!
(p.s. look at those collar bones!)

My birthday outfit! I had the day off and I spent with my momma! :)

The steal of a deal shirt I bought on my b-day! :) 

Ok.... The last picture is going to be tough... I have NEVER taken a swimsuit selfie...
Like EVER. If you have seen a pic of me in my swimsuit it's because it was taken without 
my permission and I haven't killed the photographer yet lol 
BUTTTTT... I decided it was time to face my fears and let you all see me in my swimwear. 

I guess here goes nothing!

There it is folks! That's my life in a nutshell! I could have actually made this much longer but I wanted you to ACTUALLY read it! HAHA 
Don't worry, I will start blogging more now...pinkie promise! In fact I have 2 drafts almost ready to go! Some news about my new exercise plan  is coming soon! :) So stay tuned!