Monday, October 8, 2012

Unexpected NSV's = Crying in the Bathtub!

Why am I up past my bedtime blogging? Well, I HAD to get this out while my emotions are still high and I FEEL it.

Let me start with this. There are sooooo many different types of situations here in blogland.

 I see a lot of people who used to be thin and then life happened and packed on the weight. They remember what it was like to be thin... they can't wait to get back to there. They just close their eyes and can see themselves thin.

There are people who have yo-yo'd thin/fat/thin/fat and have the same kind of feelings with the anxiety that this will be just another flick of the wrist and they will yo-yo back. Yet again those people can remember what it's like to be thin.

Some people reading this blog have never had a weight problem..have never had to lose more than 15 lbs to get back to green. Unlike the aforementioned they don't know what it's like to be obese.

Then there are people like me and I'm sure many of you reading. I have never been thin. Even as a child although I was active and athletic and didn't have the ROLLS that I have now I was still overweight. I honestly can not tell you when I was under 200 lbs, it was middle school for sure...had to be. Being overweight your entire adult life you have NO IDEA what it's like to be thin. You don't know what to expect. You know what I just found out? That's scary as shit....

So we all have goals, milestones, NSV's we expect. Losing pant sizes, fitting into smaller shirts, riding the rollercoasters, yada yada the list goes on and on. We look forward to those and when we get there we do a little bit of this action....
We pop our collars like the pimps we are and we set our sights on the next goal. What about unexpected NSV's?  NSV's you didn't even know existed.... comes out of left field and smacks you right across the face. 

Now that you know where I'm coming from...let me set the scene.  My legs hurt.. bad. If ya'll didn't know I ran my first 5k on Saturday with NO preparation or training...just took the eff off and ran. Walked some, ran some but was proud of myself. Now my legs are literally falling off. The Hubs ran me a HOTT bath so I could soak my poor muscles to make them feel better. I'm tired as hell seeing as I stayed up WAY to late last night and woke up often with sore ass legs! Kind of half out of it I stumbled into the bathroom and slithered into the bathtub. I sat there for a minute wooshing my legs back and forth to get the water moving. All of a sudden it was like a flash of lightening. I was a wake and kind of freaking out. All of a sudden I realized the only part of my body touching the bathtub was my ass...the bottom of my ass (well and my feet... but you know what i'm sayin') I know what you're saying... "" 
Still not seeing it? 
let's go back about 4 months or so. Getting into the bathtub was like wriggling into a tight pair of hips, my side rolls my arms, everything was SHOVED into the bathtub. the only part of my body NOT touching the bathtub was my tummy. 
I stuck both hands down to my sides just to see if maybe I had become paralyzed and just couldn't feel my hips and side belly rolls touching the sides of the tub. 
HOLY SHIT! There was SPACE between me and the sides of the tub. I could fit a hand on each side between my body and the tub. Then I flapped my arms a bit. I actually had to MOVE my arms to make them touch the sides of the tub. 

I started crying....
Well, I'm not quite sure. A part of me was ecstatic with this new discovery. Another part of me was mad that  my body was all squished in the tub to begin with. 

Then I felt a wave of fear. How many other things are just normal... a part of everyday life that I didn't realize were effects of my obesity. Things I never even thought about changing with weight loss. Does this scare anyone else? The unkown? 

Since I've never been thin I don't know how to be. I'm now at the point where losing more will put me at my lowest weight of memory. I guess back to middle school before I hit the big 200. In my adult life my lowest weight was 213... I'm 214 right now. 

But you know what? 

I'm ready for it. I'm ready for all these new discoveries and unexpected moments of pure emotion. It's going to be scary but I won't let that keep me from reaching my goals. 

After the wave of emotion I just sat there in my tub...feeling small...wooshing my legs around... just because I could. 

No, I don't know what it's like to be thin... but I sure as HELL am gonna find out....


  1. I cried reading this knowing how much it meant to you. I'm so beyond words of how proud I am of you. The things you have done and how well you are taking them in stride makes me smile. I love you and am so proud. Keep up the great work doll.

  2. I cried reading this knowing how much it meant to you. I'm so beyond words of how proud I am of you. The things you have done and how well you are taking them in stride makes me smile. I love you and am so proud. Keep up the great work doll.

  3. I am so glad you had such a great NSV!
    I am incredibly proud of you, you are a role model for me.
    Keep up the wonderful work hun.

  4. Fitting in a normal size bathtub was an awesome feeling for me too.
    Tonight I sat in a normal size booth at work. And I could get out without making a scene!

  5. Best NSV story I've read to date! So proud for you.

  6. AWW you making me cry for you too... so happy for you and this unexpected NSV I hope the feelings keep coming babe and I am so happy that you are going to get to appriciate all the things that small people take for granted. I hope all the swooshing helped those leggies :o) oh and you are such a good writer if this was my post it would have been more like "hey im little, I fit in my tubby without buttering my sides" but you set the scene you really know how to get us there with ya, word!

    1. "hey im little, I fit in my tubby without buttering my sides"

  7. so thrilled for you, and I can totally understand your different emotions as well. As our bodies are transforming our mind has to catch up.

  8. that is beautiful...I love when a NSV slaps you upside the head and its almost an AHA moment...relish those...we sure need to celebrate them!

  9. I loved this one even if I still don't know what NSV means. Congratulations, I'm sure this was a major victory for you. May you have many more of these moments.

    1. NSV= Non Scale Victory! Ways to measure progress w/o the scale! :)


  11. 1) Way to go on the 5K!
    2) Awesome on the NSV.
    3) I have been using a bath soak from Target called Aches and Pains and it is amazeballs for soreness.

  12. First let me get this out of the way...Pictures or it didnt happen. :) That being said. There isnt a day that goes by that I go through the gambit of emotion that goes with the thoughts of How did I get to this size, I dont remember being this small, How the hell did I get to that weight, please dont let me get back to that size. I really havn't bought any new clothes since my weight loss. Other than jeans because that was a must buy, but everything else Shirts, Underware, coat are still my old size. Not sure why I have not said the hell with it and just go shopping (other than being cheap) I think there is part of me that is just scared. But I do love the fact of grabbing a shirt out of the closet that was labeled as to damn tight and now it is very loose. Thank god I have had the band merch at the house so I could raid it for clothes that fit and the record label sending me clothing packages ( all med and lrg shirts I was in XXL ) I guess I am not sure where I was headed with this but I think this turned into a post hahah