Tuesday, May 22, 2012

You're not THAT fat!

Here are some responses I get when I tell people I am getting the Lap-Band:

"Oh you don't need that do you? You aren't even fat!"

"You aren't THAT big!"

"There's NO WAY you have that much weight to lose!"

"You are a solid girl but you're not really big!"

These are all really nice comments and I appreciate the kindness behind the words. In no way, shape, or form am I mad at those people... I love them and their good intentions.

But I have to wonder....
Is this how they REALLY see me?
Or are they just trying to be nice?
I am MORBIDLY OBESE people! They don't just give that title away to any old person with a couple extra LB's around the tummy.You have to earn that title with copious amounts of body fat.
I mean I know a friend isn't going to say "Oh girl...you are sooooo fat! Look at those rolls, fatty mcfatterstein...mayor of fattysburg!"
But I also don't want people to feel like I am a glass case of emotion. I am FINALLY honest about my weight and it's really ok with me to talk about it.

I mentioned in a previos post about how I have some sort of body dismorphia where what I see in the mirror is not reality... I don't see a fat person, I don't see 250 lbs...  but then if I look at a picture i'm like "who's that fatty?! Oh, it's me? YIKES!" I'm thinking that it's YEARS of comments like the above that have given me a false body image.  And boy has it caused a war in my mind... I may look in the mirror and think "Damn I look good!" Then someone snaps a picture and I'm mad at myself for thinking I looked good in the mirror. Or when I'm all confident and feeling good and some poopy pants, meanie head stranger makes a random comment about me being fat and I go home and cry myself to sleep. Then for like 2 months I'm super self conscious about EVERYTHING... I feel like people are staring...I stop wearing makeup...stop dressing nice...try not to go out unless I have to...look in the mirror and curse it... Then I shake it off and the cycle starts again.
I'm ready to BREAK THAT FREAKING CYCLE!!! I'm so ready for this.

I've always thought things like:

"I will never reach my normal BMI."
"There's no way I will ever get down to 145 lbs, I would look sick!"
"I don't want to lose THAT much weight, I just want to be like a size 10"

Well you know what?

I WILL reach my normal BMI....
I WILL get down to 145 lbs and I will be healthy...
I WILL lose that much weight and will not settle for a size 10...

You just wait, I WILL be a unicorn :)


  1. Well I love the post and oh so true. Just had the world's most akward phone conversation with my cousin who "made the phone call" you know out of properness but really did not want to. I hear "well ok, your really going to an extreme here"... have you tried WW? I just wanted to jump thru the phone and rip heads I'm telling you.

    I agree 100% it is a false sense of security given out because discussing the truth is just well "too uncomfortable" for everyone.

    On a side note, Dandy...i'm not hungry today, just Calm.

    1. Oh I bet that was a fun phone call! Some people just do not know enough about it and form judgement from what LITTLE they do know.

      Glad you are calm today... I can't wait to hear from you that everything went swimmingly!

  2. all things aside i just found your blog. THe husky pic made me crack up!

    1. Thanks Jim! i just went and read up on your blog :)