Tuesday, April 17, 2012

It makes so much sense now....

THANK YOU Morgan (maximizing my minimizing)!!!!

I just had another "Ah-ha!" moment after reading her comment on my last post and my response.

"Thank you for being the voice of reason Morgan! I felt kind of defeated and almost just said screw it, on to tomorrow! But you are right on... I need to move, if even for a walk. It was just so irritating because I was so motivated and day 2 already a fail..."

*chokes on my water*

Did I really say that?
Did I really feel that way?

I thought nothing of it as I typed it, then going back and reading I thought:
"You stupid mcstupidstein, mayor of stupidsville!"

I had a rush of memories (like a movie montage) from over the years of me saying terribly negative things to myself whether outloud or internal dialouge.

No wonder I  failed  EVERYTIME I lost weight with any diet or exercise program I ever tried.
No wonder I always gain all the weight back.
No wonder I can't stick to any program forever.

I'm NOT failing.... but I think I am. I take every mistep... every little think that doesn't go my way and call it failure.

Just an example of things I've said/done in the past and never really noticed until about 10 minutes ago:
-"Damnit! Why did I just eat that cookie? Now my whole day is shot... I might as well not exercise"

-"I only lost .2 ?!?!?! I did everything right! Oh well, I'm super upset, I want an Ice cream."

-"I don't feel good, I'm not going to exercise" the next day "Well, I didn't exercise yesterday so why should I today? I'll just start over next week"  the next week "Wow, I gained 1 lb. This is never gonna work. I'll just start up again next month.

You know it's crazy because everyone around me would describe me as outgoing, funny, bubbly, always in a good mood..... So why the HELL can I not be that way to myself?

Friend: "Blah, I just caved and had a slice of cake"
Me: "Oh don't worry about it! Just a blip in the radar, keep on track and don't get down. You can do it!!"

Me: "Blah, I just caved and had a sclice of cake"
Me: "You are such a loser...you just blew your whole day if not your whole week. Why even try, you won't succeed"

Wow.... (I seem to be saying that alot lately)

Why do I treat myself SOOOOOO much differently than I treat others?
It feels like the veil is lifting and I'm FINALLY seeing myself. Not the self that everyone else see's and hears but the self see and hear on the inside.

It's time that I become my biggest fan instead of my worst critic.
So what I didn't feel good this morning and didn't get to Zumba. That will NOT ruin my day, or my week, or my month, or my life.

I'm gonna go for a walk instead.... with my head held high.


  1. Are you on Pintrest? There is so much awesomeness on there in the form of advice and ideas and (the best part) motivation. You have to check it out. If you need an invite, hit me up. :)

  2. I sure am on pinterest! I get ALOT of motivational sayings, ideas etc on pinterest.

  3. Nice post.. I know I need to clear the air with myself... But I'm not there yet. Due time I'm sure mine will come. Bet you feel better!

  4. It was so crazy, because it really was like a flippin' light switch when I read that. I guess I just never noticed before... or supressed it lol. I'm sure you will have plenty of "ah-ha!" moments as well with your journey. I'm sure I'll have alot more...especially after the band. I know that this is setting me up for success. This blog has been better than therapy I tell ya!

  5. Hey! I just ran across your Blog and am Dying to ask you some questions about Lap Band! Could I get your email address? Ive been looking all over your blog trying to figure out how to contact you! Thanks! =)

  6. Hi Michele! I just set up an email for my blog. It's thedandybandy@yahoo.com shoot me an email and i'll answer whatever I can! :)

  7. this was forever ago but , I just wanted to say I love this post!

    1. Thanks Theresa...it's crazy to go back and read my old post. Sometimes I forget about them.

  8. I have to do this too! The other one I use, is asking myself what I would say to my daughter.